Maybe I’m not the best person to talk about this. I’m not better, certainly, but I’m getting there.
I know how it is to hate yourself. I know what it’s like to be totally consumed by horrible thoughts. I have been suicidal and I do have depression. I try not to say any of these things on here, because I don’t feel my followers need to know, but if it helps save lives then to hell with it.
You are not scum. You are not worthless or unloved. The only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I have so many people that would be irrevocably hurt by my absence. Even if they aren’t close to me, I know they would grieve. I lost a friend a little over a year ago, and although we didn’t have a chance to get close I still miss him. I have yet to erase his number from my phone because I can’t bear to.
Please, just talk to me. My heart and ears are open. I will stay up all night if I have to. Please don’t go. I know this isn’t the way out, because there are so many of us that were taken against their will who would take up our lives in a heartbeat. Everything that you are feeling - it isn’t you, but a sickness. When you have a cold, you don’t purposely make your nose run and your throat hurt and make your body feel crummy overall, do you? That’s how depression works.
Please, stay a little longer. Give it time. Get some help. You’ll never know what happens if you don’t.